Crackery, it's is I, Legendary Spectacular Iguana Hunterer Phelippe Japeleono Schwinn. I am your host for today's show. As always we are sponsored by Manuel's Fences.
Where we build the Fences to keep you Out of Mexico!!
A great show is lined up for you today folks. We wills be goings back into the Geriatric Ages to see the great and majestic Woolly mammoths of our past.
OK, it seems we are now ready to go back in time using our handy dandy time machine, made with quality parts from Manuel's Hardware Store.
Ok now let me set the time period to 200 millionth years ago. Ready?!? Lets go!! Weoo weoo
Order your Time Machine Today!!
We are here folks, in the past. Look at all the grass and trees (pay no attention tot he glass floor and White background), and the Hot sun, which is good because Woolly Mammoths couldn't handle the cold. All the hair kept them cool you know. See that woolly mammoth over there? Let's go check him out. Allah mo, he is beautiful, but wait a minute! This hairy elephant is Blue and white. When I did my research they showed that these guys were brown with a bad hair piece, and were named Manny and talked to a giant sloth. This one has red eyes and can raise his trunk up and down. His ears also move to cover his eyes. That must have been to protect it from the terrible Brontosaurus who was known as a meat eater. Add in those large tusks and this guy seems like he would be able to protect himself quite well. This is a good thing because his legs are stuck in place. So he's like that statue of John Wayne that sits in the capital, you know? I guess his best friend the giant slots will push him down the hill and feed him the seals he eats? So these guys are very large like 30 times the size of an African elephant. Wait, something is happening folks..........
I found this picture on The Google. See I do my background.
What's that blue thing on his stomach? Tumor?
I'm here to kick butt and eat skittles.
And I'm all out of skittles.
Ala Chimichanga he is falling apart, wey. He must be rotten and pass his expiration date. Dude, his head just split in half and I see legs and arms coming out from inside his body. That's kind of Gross, you know. No wait, he is changing to a red, white , and blue robot. How Patriotic! His leg keeps popping off, but they seem to pop back on pretty easily. He is starting to stretch out like a fat man getting out of his recliner after watching the Dallas Cowboys win again. He's rotating his ball jointed shoulders and upper arms. He is bending his elbows and hands in and out. Whoa! His head and waist just turned all the way around like the "devil girl on the bed" movie we watch on Halloween! He is bending his legs forward and back, in and out. You hear that folks? He has ratchets in there. Whoa! He is swiveling on his upper thigh and behind his knees. It almost looks like he's dancing like Michael Jackson. I wonder if he knows the Macarena? Check out those moves! Even his foot seems to be on a ball. This guy is pretty Flexible, no? With those huge shoulder tusks he looks Majestic and ready to kick heads.
Why isn't the missile launching out on this thing?
Oh no, he has seen me! Now a bunch of guns are coming out of nowheres. His front legs look like Gatling guns. His hips have boomerangers like the one the immigracion used to catch my cousin Tito. Ahla mo, the huge cannon on his back is becoming his gun. Wait, what is that?
I will stab you in the ......EYE.
Some rod things are coming out of his forearms. They look like Probes. Woolly Mammoths are Alien Transformers Robots...... They are with the greys.....Cause only Aliens want to probe your Angus, no wait probate, no. Hey how do you say culo in Engrish, cameraman Rudy? Forget it, run fool! I don't plays that way!
I am not a Optimus Prime knockoff!!
Now his Mammoth mode is, well, a statue. Nothing much to do there play wise. As we all know the collectors club does very little to existing molds. Mostly a quick color change or a new head, but I feel like they didn't do enough with this one. The whole Ultra Magnus look comes off looking incomplete. Maybe some reprolabels? So is it worth the money? Well, as a beast wars fan I want to say yes. But being an honest man I have to say no. Not at full retail price of $129.99. At $69.99 uhhhh maybe. I'd be happier and more at ease at $49.99. And yes not even the chromed Matrix he comes with or the translucent bits make me want to pay more. So if you are not a Beast Wars fan or a club figure collector this one is an easy pass for you. Just not enough there to constitute the cost which might explain the drastic price slash.
Time to die Predacon!
Yes, those are missiles aimed at your head!
Ok it's over you can leave now citizen!